Lately I’ve felt that my life has been set in stone, that the path I’m going to take has already been decided and that all I can do is hold on tight and hope for the best. And while I’m all for letting go of the reins a bit and experiencing life without planning every minute detail, the idea that I have no control over my immediate future, just because some decisions have already been made, unsettles me.
I was still a teenager when I was expected to make decisions that I was told would effect the rest of my life. I was told to chose the GCSEs and then the A Levels that would be best suited for the life that I wanted, but I was still a child! That’s an enormous amount of pressure to put on anyone, let alone a child!
Then I had to pick a university which again is a huge responsibility and comes with such pressure. You have to consider league tables, and student satisfaction surveys, locations and Russell Group rankings, academic facilities and student accommodation. Then you have to make a choice; which I did. But then you’re told that’s it, that you have made your choice – a choice that will effect the rest of your life, or so your told – and now you have to live with it. The course of your life for the next three years or more and beyond has been mapped out and while its still you sailing, you’re not really in control. And if you deviate from that course then its rocky waters that await.
(I REALLY apologise for that hyperbolic and clumsy metaphor, but I was trying to work up to this idea of unmooring!)
This whole process makes you feel stuck, or at least it did for me. It made me feel like I was moored down and that even though things weren’t working for me, there wasn’t another route available to take.
But that’s complete rubbish!
It might be unconventional and yes you might encounter rocky, hard to navigate waters (sorry again!) but your life isn’t set in stone (wow, now I’m mixing my metaphors) not yet anyway, and I’d argue that it never will be.
I realised that I needed to take back control and while it has been a hard process that I’m still dealing with, I’ve decided to move back home and transfer to my local university. I’ve unmoored from my set out life and am taking back the reigns (sorry, I’m mixing them again!)
What I am trying to say is that while you shouldn’t try to control every aspect of your life, you also shouldn’t feel stuck on a course, even if its one you chose initially. You can change your mind and make new decisions and let your life really be YOUR life.
You are the one whose affected so don’t be afraid to be true to yourself, even if that means changing your path. I have a family that supports me and even if you don’t, I support you. Its a hard thing to do, but I swear its worth it in the end. I felt so much happier after I’d made the decision even though the changes haven’t happened yet.
Just ask yourself, ‘am I truly happy?’ and I don’t mean that you have to be having a wail of a time, because the academic side of university should be hard work and at times stressful. Happiness runs deeper than that.
So just ask yourself and know that I am here for you, and I’m sure the people closest to you will be too.