I’m not sure when exactly my drive to work extra hard deteriorated into near oblivion. I definitely noticed it during A levels but to be perfectly honest it probably started earlier than that.
For the longest time I’ve prided myself on trying hard and used to get labeled goody two shoes and all sorts because in school I would not only always do the homework but more often than not I’d do the optional extension tasks too. I enjoyed doing well and even when I wasn’t very good at what I was doing I still loved the sense of achievement I’d get the for going the extra mile, loved seeing the smiles on m parents and teachers faces. The teasing and bullying somehow hurt less if I had this positive thing in my life.
That all probably sounds quite sad but I was happy. Ok maybe not happy, especially in the those earlier years and to be truthful I only had a few moments of happiness in my entire school career, but at the very least I was content.
Fast forward to now and not only am I not doing the extension tasks, I’m barely doing the compulsory ones! Where I used to spend weeks preparing for exams I’m now spending hours. I have an exam tomorrow and I haven’t even glanced at my lecture notes yet!
But I’m not being bullied or teased anymore so there’s at least that going for me.
If I’m being honest, this change did begin before A Levels, I think it began when my whole sort of attitude to life changed. Puberty.
I know that sounds like I’m trying to blame something other than my own laziness but I’m not. I’m just acknowledging that when puberty started I got lazier, started putting in less effort and became a bit of a quitter.
I also know that the situation I’m in with not putting enough effort into study is one experienced by hundreds if not thousands of other first year university students, and that in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. But I think that’s also part of it, you know? It doesn’t matter. Technically speaking all I need to do is pass and the actual grade I get won’t effect my degree, but it should matter. I should care, if only for no other reason than a sense of pride and achievement.
I saw this post on Instagram or Facebook or something the other day and it really struck a chord, as I suppose it did with most students judging by the number of likes. It said:
September: I really want a 1st! / Christmas: A 2:1 would be great really / Now: All I need is 40% to get a pass!
Its true. All I need is 40%. But shouldn’t I be striving for more? Shouldn’t I be putting in the effort instead of playing Sims and watching YouTube videos? Shouldn’t I be spending these three years working my arse off so that I can see the benefits in the rest of my life? Its only three years!!!
So why aren’t I?