I had a post all planned out and ready to write and then I had a shitty evening and decided that my time would be better spent venting.
I’ve been taking evening classes twice a week in order to learn Mandarin. I’ve never been great at languages; I didn’t take one at GCSE. But I figured that as the Uni was providing lessons and resources for free I might as well give it a go.
It started off alright, fun even, but I was a bit behind everyone else; learning a little more slowly. Then tonight it was just embarrassing. The teacher asked me a question in mandarin and I just didn’t know what she was saying. I recognised one word but had to wait for her to ask me again in English. But then I couldn’t remember how to answer. At this point had already been asked different questions and answered; some without hesitation and some with a few stops, starts and quick asks for help and laughter. But I was the only one who just sat there in silence staring at the table as I turned red. It was mortifying.
Before I went this evening I was debating whether to continue or not but decided that I didn’t want to be a quitter. However after this evenings events I’m struggling to find the motivation to continue.
I might as well give up. And I know how that sounds. But right now, I just don’t care.